24/8/2022 0 Comments Writing Prompt - Satan in HeavenCertified Score: 8.9/10 “Umm, next please.” Called St. Peter from his lectern. Satan walked forward coyly. Shoulders slumped forward and head bowed. “Ah, yes hello. I think there’s been a mistake.” Satan said. St. Peter looked up and studied the embarrassed figure before him. “Sorry sir but we don’t make mistakes here in Heaven.” St. Peter scoffed. “Maybe you could just check your little book there and you’ll definitely see I’m not welcome here.” Replied Satan, waving his clawed fingers towards the book of the dead that sat on the lectern.
St. Peter let out a little huff at the inconvenience. He composed himself and placed his spectacles on his nose. “Fine, name?” He asked. “Yeah, so a little embarrassing. It’s Satan, with an ‘AN’” Satan replied. Satan waited and could hear that St. Peter was humming under his breath while he flicked through the book of the dead. Satan tapped his hooves in place impatiently. “Why is the ground so soft here too? Is it always like this?” Asked Satan as he waited. Without lifting his eyes, St. Peter replied. “Yes sir, always like this. It’s the clouds underfoot that make it so soft. Is it not to your liking?” Satan snorted. “There’s a lot of reasons I don’t like this (BLANK)’in place.” He replied with shock. “Whoa! What the hell was that!” Satan said “Oh yes, new protocols sir. There is no more cursing in Heaven.” “Argh, this place is the absolute worst!” “Hmm, that’s strange.” St. Peter said after a rifling through a number of pages. “Any other names you may go as sir. I can check if it’s under one of those names.” “Well, yeah. Lucifier, Devil, Mammon — “ after a short pause Satan continued “- Could even be Beelzebub.” Satan was just clutching onto his last strand of patiences as St. Peter continued to look through his book. “Look! Is there any way this can be sped up? I’ve got my own kingdom of the damned to run and you’re wasting my time now.” “Ah yes — “ said St. Peter with a satisfactory tone as he tapped at an entry in the book. “- Here you are, Lucifer. We have been expecting you.” Satan finally broke. “No! No! No!” Said Satan like a child on the verge of a temper tantrum as he raised his voice. “What don’t you understand! I can’t be here! I’m not welcome here!” Satan now was spitting droplets of brimstone onto the lectern as he spoke. St. Peter remained calm and simply brushed away the cooled, ashy material from his book. “Sir, — “ said St. Peter with an air of authority “- like I have said previously, He doesn’t make mistakes. Maybe there has been a misunderstanding on your part about what is required to enter Heaven. Would you care to explain the events leading up to your arrival here.“ St. Peter said. “Fine!” Said Satan, pausing briefly before continuing. “It was a momentary lapse in judgement, ok!” Satan said, trying to press his point home. “I was visiting some of my subordinates on earth and as we were possessing people along a street I saw a cute little puppy wandering out onto the road. I’m in the middle of the road, I hear the honking of a truck horn, I look to my right and see the oncoming truck and next thing I know I ended up here.” Satan said. Rambling through story. St. Peter nodded his head along as Satan recalled the story. “Yes, yes. Most definitely a selfless act. Makes sense why you’re here now.” “It wasn’t selfless, can’t the devil just like animals? I’ve got a couple of hell hounds myself. Nobody hates dogs!” Said Satan exacerbated. “Sir, selfless is selfless. The puppy would have been killed had you not intervened and you paid with your own life.” Satan let out a primal scream, the rage made his body tight and he could feel the fire build in his throat. “That’s it, you’re not listening! Get me your manager right now!” Satan empathised with his fury by kicking over the lectern. He picked up the book from the soft, pillowy cloud ground and raised it high above his head. With brute strength he ripped the book in two. St. Peter calmly stood in place, clasped together in front of him and watched the pages fall to the ground. Satan continued, slamming the two halves of the book on the ground so hard that small puffs of cloud stirred around them. He materialised his staff of judgment. Pointing the goat head situated on top of the staff at the book he unleashed fire and brimstone at the broken tome. It immediately turned to ash. Satan moved with lightning speed and closed the distance between himself and St. Peter, standing nose to nose with him. Dropping his voice to a deep, rumble Satan said “Now listen here you cocky little (BLANK). Let me go now or I’ll bring all the servants of hell up here and whoop your (BLANK).” Satan watched St. Peter closely. Some of the colour had now washed out of his face and small beads of sweat could be seen forming on his bald head. St. Peter swallowed hard and after carefully considering his words he said “Sir, I’ve reconsidered your suitability to Heaven and I believe a mistake has been made. Here in Heaven we believe the customer is always right, you’re free to return.” “Thank (BLANK) for that!” Said Satan.
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Writing PromptsUsing writing prompts was a great suggestion that was discussed at one of the writing groups I attended. Typically at the start of any of the meetings, everyone is given a word or phrase and they spell the next 10-15 minutes writing whatever comes to mind.
I find this exercise is awesome at firing the brain up and starting to think creatively. But I didn’t want to do all the work myself so who better then my 12 year old to provide me with the writing prompts and I attempt to write something from it. Typically I try and write a short story of about 1000-1500 words which I then share with said 12 year old for feedback and a rating, this rating is captured on each story as the Certified Score. Shh.. It’s also a sneaky way to get him reading a bit more as well. I post my writing prompts to Medium so I can get some more eyeballs on them and get feedback on anything I can improve on. Archives
June 2023
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